Finding Myself

Tonight, on this partly-cloudy Saturday night, I stay in my room. Same as the other Satnites actually. Hahaha... I don't feel galau or even envy those who stay out and probably have dinner with their lovers however. I had a very delightful Saturday afternoon with Mas Radif, we had delicious meals for lunch and simple chit-chat. Then before he went home, he said,"Just take some time for yourself," and some words including contemplation, self-reflection and other stuff. I thought he was right and here I am, enjoy my Satnite, being comfort with myself. Oh, of course accompanied by some Japanese songs :)

Well, I agreed to take some time and contemplate tonight, but I can't say that I really do contemplating. However, there was a moment when I check on my cousin's facebook and opened her Soundcloud link. She already covered two songs and they were awesome. After listening to her cover songs, I did a mini-karaoke and recorded my own voice. The result was horrible. No, there was no problem with the voice recorder on my phone. My voice was the one which sounds horrible. And right after listening, I decided to delete it. Hahahaa :))))

That moment, I started thinking about myself and what talents that I really had. Guess I envy multi-talented people. Seems like they do anything so easy. Up until now, I just don't know what I'm good at. I love singing but in fact my voice is a complete disaster. I remember the moment I sang a song at my uncle's wedding. I got a very big applause, but when I think about it right now, I suppose they just flattered me. I love writing but I haven't ever written a complete story yet. My plots are always stuck in the halfway and it's hard to find any other idea to continue the story. Ckckckckck...

And let me tell you one thing. I have to push myself really hard to write this post in English. #sigh

I believe every person has been gifted of something. I only need to find my own gift. Well, maybe start from posting a blog entry in English, cooking something delicious for my beloved ones, or reading more books and research articles. The most important thing is, I should be happy in my journey of finding myself. I've got precious people who kindly accompany me in through this journey. Can I expect something better? :)

Oh, besides, life is a slow and deliberate process anyway. Thanks to Mas Radif who reminds me this :)



p.s. I don't know where he citated the last quote :p

Sparks

So how do I start? From where and when did I start? I couldn't even remember.

I don't know how many things about him that everyone else knows. I don't know how many things about him that I don't know. But I am happy to be the one who always care about him, although sometimes I am just too lebay in showing my affection. I am happy to be the one who get impressed by little things he's done for me. To be the one he always care about, when I am upset or about to cry, when I become sensitive or even getting dehydrated, when I had a fever or a heartache. I am happy he always notices.

All those moments, those random thoughts that constantly coming in my head whenever I lie awake but with closed eyes, create beautiful sparks. Like a firework, reminds me of the overwhelming joy at Lebaran eve. I love recalling those happy thoughts over and over every night, though I still cannot remember when the sparks appear for the first time.

But just like he always says, I don't see it coming. It just happens :)